You Can Let Go
by colormerainbows21
Summary: "I'm not afraid of dyin', but I'm terrified of not being with you." Song fic. AU-ish. A take on what could have happened had Beverley opted NOT to go through with donating part of her liver. Rated M for deep/dark/emotional bits, trigger warning for character death. Intended as a one shot, may change later. R&R. Deacon/Rayna, Scarlett/Gunnar.


**You Can Let Go**

 **A/N:** Hey everyone! I'm so sorry it's been such a long time since I've been around. I've had horrible writer's block, been dealing with some personal things and in the bridal party of my sister's wedding so all of this has kept me away from posting for a good while. I always say I haven't forgotten about any of the things that I've got posted whether ongoing or on hold, and I haven't. I appreciate all of your support and sticking with me no matter the length of time between updates. I'll always try to get back to it whenever I'm able.

I've recently finished all of the current seasons of Nashville. Needless to say I'm now in love with the show and anxiously awaiting September and season four. This was just a little something I had in my head and is my first Nashville fic. It's AU-ish, so if you're looking for something that strictly follows cannon I will undoubtedly write some of those in the future, but this is not it. It's centered around the idea of what could have happened if Beverley had opted not to give Deacon part of her liver, and the idea for it came from the song You Can Let Go by Crystal Shawanda, so if you've not heard that song and want to better understand where my head was at when I started this you may want to look up the lyrics. I hope those of you who do choose to continue reading enjoy this. Reviews, follows etc. are always appreciated!

 **AN2/Trigger Warning:** Intention is for this to be a one shot, but that may change depending on the feedback I receive or how freely the ideas flow through my head after I post this. **Contains emotional/dark/heavy bits and character death.

 **##**

" _I'm not afraid of dyin', but I'm terrified of not being with you."  
~Deacon_

Many things came to mind when Rayna Jaymes pictured how her life would pan out but the common denominator had always been Deacon Claybourne. In her mind's eye, years ago when she sat and pictured growing older, Deacon was always right there beside her. Everyone had their weaknesses and shortcomings, and alcoholism so happened to be his. Even while fighting the most resistant of his demons, Rayna had never allowed herself to wholeheartedly believe he didn't love her anymore. The nights she'd lain awake while he was out on a bender, unsure of whether he was okay but hoping he was alive; the gigs he'd missed, the things he'd said while at the mercy of his drunkenness and then forgotten when the sun had risen again; all of it had broken her heart into a thousand pieces a million different times, but she stayed much longer than she'd intended and put up with much more than she should have done only because plowing through the struggle and loving dangerously seemed a much better option than going forward as if they'd never loved at all.

The thing about the world, as Rayna was so often finding these days, was that the stark realities it held could be just as overwhelmingly powerful as its beauty. One, unlike the other, didn't discriminate against anybody. Nobody was immune to hardship, but some seemed to be insusceptible to the goodness life had to offer.

"What're you doin' out here?"

Hearing the voice she'd come to know so well tinged with a frailty that had manifested itself as somewhat of a constant pained her, but the corners of her mouth lifted into a smile nonetheless.

"Needed some time porch sittin' to clear my head."

Throughout the many years of their tumultuous relationship, Deacon had come to count on the fact that when they fought or Rayna had something on her mind, he'd find her stationary on their front porch swing. There were rare instances sitting out there he could pry from her what it was that was troubling her, but most times she kept to herself, lost within the depths of her own emotions.

"I should've known," he smirked playfully, closing the door behind him and situating himself next to her. "I made you some tea. Got all the time in the world if you wanna talk." Attempting to steady the slight tremor in his hands, he carefully gave over the mug he'd come to know as her favorite since deciding to move in; it was the only one he ever saw her use.

"Thanks, babe." Taking a long sip she held tighter to the cup and allowed the heat it radiated to warm her palms, proving contrast to the chill that had fallen over the evening. She caught Deacon's eye over the rim of her glass, willing herself not to stare.

"I know there's more than a little something goin' on in that pretty little head of yours, Rayna. I also know you well enough to know you probably don't wanna tell me what it is, but I mean it, I have all the time in the world."

Rayna stayed silent for a moment, mulling over in her mind just how ironic it was that her boyfriend, whose cancer had now been deemed terminal, was reassuring to her that he had all the time in the world.

"It's nothin' babe, I promise."

"Give me that cup," he said, tone authoritative but with no trace of anger.

"What, why?"

"Just give me the cup and c'mere." Reaching over, he took the now empty mug of tea from his girlfriend's hands and set it down on the ground around their feet. Following his wordless direction, she maneuvered her body, back against the arm of the porch swing, feet in his lap, strawberry blonde hair being agitated by the light breeze.

"You can't hold it in forever, you know." His blue-gray eyes locked fleetingly with her green ones, and it took all she had not to fall apart in a single second. Without thinking, his movements became increasingly gentle as he removed her boots letting them fall to the porch with a thud, and proceeded to peel socks away from skin so as to be granted full access to her feet.

"Mm, that's good." A soft moan escaped her throat as she gave in to the feeling of the ruggedness of his hands massaging the soles of her feet, and became so relaxed she could have sworn her voice had left her all together.

A companionable and compassionate sort of silence fell between them, Rayna still fully aware that Deacon wanted her to speak. He hated when she shut him out, and remaining open with her feelings was still something she made a conscious effort to do each day since his diagnosis and the rekindling of their relationship.

"I'm just still so angry. And I put a lot of blame on myself."

"Baby, it's not your fault. I know I can't tell you that enough to change your feelings, but it's not. I drank half my life away, and did this to myself. I hurt you so many times, and you know how sorry I am. I'll live with what I did til the day I die."

"I know it's not my fault. Logically, I know that. I just can't help but feel like I wasted so much time with Teddy where I wasn't truly happy, not telling you about Maddie, trying to make safe choices so long instead of right ones. Now we're here, finally able to make it right and you're dying. I don't want you to go, Deacon. I don't know what I'm gonna do without you."

A life without Deacon was something Rayna had realized was a distinct possibility when Beverley had opted not to aid in saving her brother's life by donating part of her liver, and something that was inevitable when they'd learned the tumor had finally grown too big for him to qualify for the transplant at all. Regardless of the fact she knew it would come to pass, she was nowhere near ready, and the anger she held towards Beverley for her selfishness was something she wasn't sure would ever go away.

"So marry me." His voice was thick with all of the emotion that he never could seem to hold back around her. As an alcoholic, he'd been good at stonewalling everyone and shutting them out when he didn't want to talk about problems or feelings. Now, since his diagnosis of cirrhosis of the liver that had turned to cancer, he realized that the things he'd done in those years in which he'd become completely vulnerable to the ruthlessness of his demons were some of the most selfish and unspeakable things he'd ever done. He hated what he'd done to her, but Rayna Jaymes had always managed to do things to him that he hated and loved all at the same time.

"What?" Her voice came out harsher than she'd intended it to as she looked wordlessly into the depth of his eyes, trying to process the happenings going on right in front of her face as her mind involuntarily went back to a moment she'd much rather have forgotten long ago.

" _God, Deacon. Have you been drinking again?"_

" _What? No. No Rayna, I'm fine."_

" _Fine my ass. What about the conversations we had last night, do you remember anything? Do you remember what you asked me, or were you drunk then too?!"_

"Ray!" Waving a hand in front of her face, he watched the faraway look in her eyes fade as she let go of whatever she'd been thinking and came back to him.

"Sorry. I was uh.. remembering something."

"I see that. The time I asked you to marry me when I was drunk?"

"What? How did you...?"

"I know you, Ray. I can read you like a book. It was written all over your face. For the record, I'm not drunk now, and you still ain't given me an answer."

"Deacon..." Her mind went a mile a minute as she let her voice trail off. There was no question that she loved this man; he'd become a staple in her life so long ago, and now she couldn't imagine how vastly different it would become without him. Was she really ready for something she'd always hoped for now that it was staring her right in the face, or had she gotten so used to the fact it would probably never happen that she'd found a sort of comfort in just living together? Would she be able to go through with it knowing it was only a matter of time before happiness was taken from her again, this time with no chance of reconciliation?

"Now Ray, I know all the things you're thinkin'. I could probably tell you almost verbatim what's going through your head right now, but none of that matters. I love you, damn it. I've loved you since the first time I ever laid my eyes on you, and I don't want to be without you. You think I wanna leave you here, heartbroken and raisin' the girls up by yourself? Thinkin' about that gives me one of the worst feelings I've ever felt in my life, second only to the thought of never waking up and seeing your face again. I wanna marry you because I don't know how much time I got, and I'm sick and tired of worryin' about when and what if and cancer and medicine and hospitals. I'm ready to spend all the time I got here with y'all worryin' about shit that matters. I want us to be a family, Ray. You've always been the one. You know it, I know it, hell, everybody knows it. So marry me. Let me do it right this time. We'll go up to the cabin for a while, the four of us. I'll spend some time with you and the girls and we can do it there if you want. Just say yes. I can't take any other answer but yes."

Shifting her position on the swing so her whole body was in his lap as opposed to just her feet, she wrapped her arms around his neck while trying to find her voice and will the tears that glistened on the surface of her green orbs to dissipate rather than fall.

"I'll have to talk to the girls about it when I pick them up from Teddy's in a couple of days, but I don't think it'll be an issue. You've been livin' here and they love you."

"Do I hear a 'yes' disguised somewhere in that answer, Ms. Jaymes?"

Smiling widely, Rayna exploded in laughter, crushing her lips against those of the only man she'd ever truly loved. "Yes. Yes, you do."

Whisking her in off the porch, they both disrobed as they made their way into the bedroom, the love they made bringing the connection and closeness it always did, though the passion between them had grown even stronger; as if both were ever so aware of the fact there would come a time in the not so distant future they probably wouldn't connect quite like that anymore. Lovemaking was no longer something they took lightly or for granted.

"Babe?" Rayna rolled over, voice thick with sleep and still worn from the intimacies which had occurred between them.

"Hmm?" Opening his eyes so as to let her know she had his attention, he reached out a hand to caress her cheek and smiled at the sight of her as he did every time he woke up.

"Are you as scared as I am?"

A brief silence hung heavily between them as he carefully pondered what he wanted to be an honest answer.

"I'm not afraid of dyin', but I'm terrified of not being with you."

 **##**

" _Maybe you're not my Dad, but sometimes I wish you were."  
~Daphne_

"No, that doesn't sound right."

Maddie Conrad sat cross legged on the bed that had long ago been designated hers at Teddy's house, picking chords on her guitar trying to hash out a new song with her sister. It was one of the few and far between occasions in which the Conrad sisters were not in agreement with each other on what worked and sounded best. Whether or not it had a little or a lot to do with her Dad's condition, everything rubbed Maddie the wrong way lately. The bleak and gray sky outside her window, rain pelting against the pane with a steady tick-beat like that of a metronome, seemed to intensify everything tenfold.

"I've tried five different ways of singing the same line, and you _still_ don't like it? Why do you even ask me to write songs with you if you're gonna hate all my ideas! Just because Deacon has cancer doesn't mean you get a free pass to take it out on everyone else. I'm sad about it too!"

"You don't get it. He's not your Dad."

"So I don't understand what it's like to see someone I love dying just because he's your Dad and not mine?! You're not the only one with feelings! Finish the song yourself!"

Turning on her heels, Daphne stalked out of the room and down the staircase, tears stinging the back of her eyes. Teddy, being mayor of Nashville, had business to take care of and Maddie was to keep an eye on her younger sister until he returned home. Frustrated and alone, she did the one thing she always did when she was at odds with her sister and her father wasn't around. Locking herself in the study, she waited for her mother's familiar face to pop up on Face Time on her phone.

"Hey sweet girl, what's up?" She heard the voice before seeing her as she waited for a lag in the connection to fix itself and pick back up again.

"Hey Mommy. I miss you." A smile crossed the young girl's face as she saw Deacon come into focus in the background. "Hi Deacon."

"Hey sweetie, how you doin'? You bein' good at Daddy's house?"

"Yeah. Maddie's being stupid though."

"Daphne, that's not nice. What's going on?" Rayna knew the girls hardly ever fought, their musical talents playing a big part in what made them so close. If either one of them was angry at the other, there had to be good reason.

"She's been so mean. Takes everything out on everyone and thinks she can blame her feelings on Deacon being sick. I told her I'm sad about it too and she's not the only one with feelings, but she just starts getting mad and telling me I don't understand because he's not my Dad."

"You're right, she's not the only one with feelings hon, and she needs to understand that." Rayna looked over at Deacon as if to wordlessly express to him that he was free to chime in and help her on the issue.

Not missing a beat, he picked up on his girlfriend's body language and took the phone from her, focusing it on himself.

"Tell you what, don't you worry about Maddie, okay? I'll talk to her."

"Kay."

There was shuffling on the adults' end as Rayna took her phone back, her face coming into view seconds later. "We have something we wanna talk to you girls about together when we pick you up on the weekend."

"What is it?"

"It's a surprise, you'll have to wait til the weekend to find out," Deacon smirked, watching the expression change on Daphne's face and knowing how much she hated waiting for surprises.

"Fine."

"Listen sweet girl, Mama's got some meetings at the office, so we're gonna have to go but we'll see y'all on the weekend okay? Try to get along with your sister and Deacon will talk to her soon."

"Okay Mommy, love you!"

"I love you too, babe."

"Hey, Deacon?" she questioned before either of them had a chance to disconnect the call too quickly.

"Yes sweetie?"

"Maybe you're not my Dad, but sometimes I wish you were."

Rayna looked over and could have sworn she saw her boyfriend's eyes grow misty, filled with a love for her second daughter that he really didn't need to show but always did.

"I do too, honey. I do too."

 **##**

" _Maybe I can't promise to love you til we're seventy, but I'll try to make up for seventy years with whatever time I got left."_

 _~Deacon_

Sitting tandem out in her father's fishing boat atop the cabin's adjoining lake waiting for the aquatic creatures beneath the surface to attempt to bite, Maddie's head was spinning with thoughts of her parents' upcoming wedding.

"Are you getting excited to be married to Mom?" Despite that all she could see of Deacon was his back and the fishing line that was cast out in front of him, she could hear the emotion and depth of truth in the words he spoke.

"You bet I am. It's been a long time comin'."

"Are you nervous?"

"See, that's the thing about your Mama; no matter what we're goin' through, she just feels like home."

"That's so sweet, Dad. You should put that in your vows for tonight," she laughed, hearing the faintest of laughter echo from her father too. "I wish you two could have all the time you deserve together. I wish I could have more time with you to experience all the things girls need their fathers for. I'm trying to be okay with what's happening, but it feels like you just got here. I'm not ready for you to leave. As much as I appreciate Teddy, our relationship will never be quite the same, now that I know about you."

"I know baby, I know. Silence fell between them, seeming to shift slowly as if being carried away by the same light breeze they felt periodically ruffling their hair. Since learning of each other and establishing what part they were to play in each others' lives, they'd had many moments such as this, but most were companionable and understood rather than awkward. "I'm not ready to leave you either. Being your Daddy has been the absolute biggest joy of my life, and I only wish I'd known about it sooner. I used to be angry too, it's fine if you are. That's something you're gonna have to grapple with until you come to your own place of understanding about all of this. I can't tell you how to feel, but I can tell you while I'm still here that I don't want you to be angry forever. Even after I'm gone I'll be with you. Everything you do, every decision you make, I'll be looking out for you. We share the same DNA and you can't escape that. You'll always have a piece of me with you. The time we got left may be nowhere near enough, but your Mom and I made this decision not just because we love each other, but because we love you two more than anything. We wanted you to know what love, happiness, and family should really look and feel like. If you don't have me for the rest of your life, I at least wanna show you how somebody should love you."

Tears pooled in the young girl's eyes, glistening in fading sunlight, and she was happy her father couldn't see them.

"I love you so much, Dad." As she wiped her eyes, trying and somewhat failing to be discreet, she felt a tug at the end of her fishing line. Laughter mixed with tears as emotions meshed together into a feeling she couldn't name. "I think I caught something."

"I like this color, it's pretty." Situated on the couch, feet propped up on the cabin's simple wooden coffee table, Daphne watched as her mother expertly went about painting her toenails.

"I think so, too." Rayna smiled, careful not to break concentration and almost failing when the ring of her cellphone made her jump. "I'm surprised I have any reception all the way out here."

"Want me to get it for you? It's closer to me than you."

"Thank you, sweet girl." The youngest Conrad sister picked up her mother's phone, cheerfully answering like she did it every day. "Hello?"

"Hi Daphne," the familiar voice of Bucky Dawes came down the line and the little girl smiled even bigger. "Hey Mr. Bucky! How are you?"

The older man attempted unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh. "I'm fine sugar, how are you?"

"I'm good. Mama's painting my toenails. She's getting married tonight."

He laughed even harder. It amazed him sometimes how cute she was. "I heard. Can you put her on speaker so I can talk to her, please?"

"Yeah, one sec." She moved the phone away from her ear, finding the 'speaker' function and placing the device on her lap. "There you go."

"Thank you, lovey. Hi, Ray."

"Hey, Buck. How's everything? Y'all gettin' by without me?"

"Oh, we'll live," he chuckled, clearing his throat and proceeding to get to the point of why he'd called. "So we have some new artists we're thinking about signing to Highway 65, but we want you to meet with them first. There's no rush, you can do it whenever you have the time. Just thought I'd let you know, mostly I just called to wish you good luck tonight and a happy wedding. I know what a tough time this has been for everyone."

"I will try to meet with them as soon as I get back. And thank you, Buck. That means a lot. Has any news about us gettin' married leaked yet?"

"Not as far as I can tell, but you know social media, things spread like wildfire once the right person gets wind of them."

"Yeah, well. I'm hoping we can keep it to ourselves for at least tonight. It's why we decided to go small and do it up here."

"I don't blame you. But, I'm sure it'll come out eventually. You and I both know Rayna Jaymes can't do anything without somebody getting some kind of information about it."

"True that. Alright hon, thanks for callin' but I gotta go get ready. I'll let you know when I get back."

"Alright, enjoy tonight Ray, you deserve it. Give Deacon and Maddie my love."

"I will do. Bye."

The call disconnected and Daphne handed the phone to her mother who placed it on the coffee table. "Your toenails should be all dry in a couple minutes. Deacon and Maddie should be in from fishing soon since the sun's startin' to go down. I'm gonna take a shower then the three of us girls can get ready and wait for the Justice of the Peace, okay?"

"Uh huh! Can I make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich once my nails are dry?"

"Sure baby, make whatever you want, just don't use the stove, okay?"

"Yup, I know the rules. No stove unless Maddie or adults are around too."

"That's my girl." Rayna flashed her youngest a quick smile before heading off in the direction of the bathroom to take a shower.

"Hey sweet girl." Deacon walked through the door, Maddie not far behind, just as Daphne was taking a bite out of her sandwich.

"Hi Deacon," she said, her words muffled due to a mouth full of food. "Did y'all catch anything?"

"I did, but I threw it back," Maddie said, proud of herself for finally having done better than her father at something.

"Where's your Mama?" Deacon asked, scanning the room for any signs of his soon-to-be wife, his eyes falling back on Daphne when he failed to see her.

"Takin' a shower." The young girl fixated her gaze on her older sister. "She said when she's done the three of us are supposed to get ready together while we wait for the Justice of the Peace to get here."

"And what? I'm supposed to just get ready in a corner somewhere I guess?"

"Dad, everyone knows it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the actual wedding, duh."

"Well hell, if I'd known that I would've rented someone else's cabin. Maybe theirs would've been bigger," he chuckled, smiling as the girls broke out into fits of laughter too.

"What's goin' on out here?" Rayna stepped out in to the living room, clad in a pristine white towel, just as the laughter was dying down.

"Nothing! You're not supposed to see each other before the wedding! Turn around!" Maddie laughed excitedly, steering her mother in the opposite direction while attempting to cover her eyes.

"Okay, alright, calm down y'all I got it," she said laughing. "I'll see you in a little while!" she called out to Deacon before all three shut themselves in the bedroom to finish getting ready.

"What?"

Rayna stood reveling in the fact that she was now legally and officially Mrs. Deacon Claybourne, and blushing, ever so aware of her new husband's gaze that had seemed to remain fixated on her the entirety of the evening.

"You're just so damn beautiful," he murmured quietly, both of them swaying gently, listening to the girl's voices in the background singing about loving til you're seventy as they covered Ed Sheeran's _Thinking Out Loud._

"Maybe I can't promise to love you til we're seventy, but I promise to make up for seventy years with whatever time I got left."

She smiled, and as her strawberry blonde hair blew lightly in the breeze, she felt more free than she had in a long time, despite the weight of the fate that would eventually bestow itself upon her family.

"I love you, Deacon. Even if our forever isn't long enough."

Wordlessly, he claimed her lips with his, sealing what would no doubt promise to be a trying journey together as man and wife.

 **##**

" _The truth is, we all miss ya. You're missin' a lot of things we all know you'd be overjoyed to see. The world, at least ours, won't ever be quite the same. Wherever you are, rest easy up there."_

 _~Scarlett_

Maddie Claybourne (She'd started referring to herself as such not long after the loss of her father, simply because she wanted to feel like she'd always have a piece of his legacy with her.) thought about all the changes that had occurred in the four years since the death of her Dad while she applied the finishing touches to her makeup. Every year on the anniversary of his passing, the family and their closest of friends got together at Scarlett and Gunnar's as a celebration of his life. They all knew it was what he would have wanted, and this year was no exception.

The vanity shook with the vibration of her phone signaling an incoming text message, and she ignored it until she finished the application of eye liner and mascara, capping the bottle.

 _Do you wanna ride with Daphne and I to Scar and Gunnar's?_

A smile crossed her face when she saw her mother's message. Now that she didn't live at home and was busy going about her own career completely independent of any of her mother's connections, she cherished the time they got together and the conversations they had.

 _Naw, I got it. Thanks though, I'll definitely see you there and show off my new car! ;) xo_

She'd just bought what she constantly referred to as her first "big girl car" since her career had started to take off and she was beginning to do well for herself. It was by no means a Mercedes, but she was proud to have earned it herself, and for now that was enough. Rayna and Deacon had both taught the girls that nice things weren't everything, even if they lived a lifestyle that afforded them the luxury of having some.

Making her way out the door, hands full of the food she'd prepared the night before to bring to their annual celebration, she felt the vibration of her phone once again in her back pocket. Ignoring it, she made her way to the Prius parked in the driveway, loaded up, and drove off in the direction of her cousins'.

"Did you not get my text?" Maddie had arrived almost the exact same time as her mother, Daphne rushing out of her car to open her sister's door and help unload her hands of some of the platters and bowls of food.

"I did, but I was on my way out so didn't check it, sorry." Being fourteen, Daphne was at the age where she felt it necessary to text everything rather than call, and she did it constantly. Rayna had had many a conversation with her eldest daughter about the struggle of getting the younger one to put down her phone and have a real conversation.

"No big deal. Nice car," she said, smile crossing her face and offering a thumbs up sign. Figuring this was probably the extent of chatter she'd get out of her sister all evening, she made the most of it.

"Thanks, I think so too. How's school?"

"Ugh, boring. I just wanna make music. And seriously, am I _really_ gonna need algebra ever again in my life? I think not."

Maddie chuckled, shutting the car door and locking it with the electronic starter before falling in step beside her sister, both of them careful not to drop any of the edibles they were carrying. "I felt that way once too, you'll change a lot between now and when you get to be my age." It was true. She'd hated hearing the things her parents had to say when she was young, hated that they wanted to protect her so much and keep her out of pursuing an actual music career for as long as possible. Now, she realized that they'd been right all along. Even at nineteen, the business was tough to handle. She managed it well, but she doubted she would have been able to handle it the same way four years ago. More than anything, she missed her Dad's wisdom, missed writing and playing music with him for hours, and always wished she could have one more second to get those moments back.

"Don't wish your life away."

Daphne rolled her eyes in typical teenage fashion. "You sound like Mom."

At first, Daphne hadn't been happy about Maddie's decision to embark on a journey as a solo artist, but they'd worked through it. There was no doubt in her mind that with her little sister's talent and desire to make it, she'd follow in her footsteps in a few years and they'd come together and collaborate.

"That's what happens when you age. You start repeating all the things your mother told you that you swore you'd never say."

"Whatever," Daphne said sarcastically as she opened the gate to Scarlett and Gunnar's backyard, leading the way through.

"Hey sweet girl." Rayna, who had already made her way to join the party while the girls were unloading the car, made her way over and wrapped her eldest in a hug. "I've sure missed you."

Maddie smiled against her hair, taking in the familiar scent of Herbal Essences shampoo, and trying not to laugh at the fact that after all the years that had gone by, she still referred to both her daughters as "sweet girl." She'd likely never stop. Now that one of her parents was gone, she was even more mindful of all the little stupid things you remember about someone, and how much those things really come to matter.

"I missed you too, Mama. I'm sorry it's been so long. We'll do lunch soon, I promise," she told her, looking her directly in the eye as she broke the embrace to let her know she meant it.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so happy you made it!" Scarlett, now twenty six and married to Gunnar Scott, interrupted their interaction, wrapping her cousin in a hug, still bubbly as ever. Rayna saw an acquaintance across the lawn and quietly retreated to thank them for coming and leave the girls to catch up.

"Me too! You look good, how you feelin'?" Looking considerably more pregnant than the last time she'd seen her, with the added duties of taking care of a toddler born the year after Deacon died, it amazed her that the blonde still seemed to be such a fireball of energy.

"I'm great. The first little while was really rough, but Gunnar's a great help."

"He seems like it. You two are really sweet. I'm glad life led you back to each other."

She flashed her a smile. "Aw, thanks. Me too. I'm happy." And she was. Becoming Mrs. Gunnar Scott had been one of the best things to ever happen to her. Most days they had an extremely simple, ordinary life, and on the days they were Scarlett and Gunnar Scott, touring or working on albums as Scotts' Eternity (they'd changed the name of their band from the exes after realizing they wanted to be with each other, finally un-complicating things with their subsequent marriage) they had the best possible nanny providing a continuation of that simple and ordinary life for their daughter. "Lord, you brought so much food. You didn't have to do all that. Gunnar! Come here and take this food off Maddie's hands, will you please?"

"Yeah, you bet," he said, coming over and unburdening his cousin of her load of goods.

"Thank you," Maddie said gratefully, glad to be lightened of the armful. "Do you know the sex of this baby?" She eyed the blonde's ever growing abdomen as Gunnar retreated to the food table with the things Maddie had given to him.

"Not yet, no. Gunnar is hell bent on the fact that it's a boy. I'm not sure. I'd be happy with either one. If he's right, we're thinkin' about naming him after Deacon."

"Awwww, that would have made him so happy." She smiled to herself thinking of what her Dad would say if he knew a little person would potentially become his namesake.

"I think so too."

The clinking of fork to wineglass suddenly caught everyone's attention, and the whole yard fell silent. Bucky Dawes was at the head of the food table, and it was the first time Maddie noticed he was there. She flashed him a warm smile and a small wave which she saw him discreetly return.

"If I could have everyone's attention for just a couple of minutes it'd be greatly appreciated." Clearing his throat noisily, he continued. "I've known Rayna Jaymes a long time. She is one of the most talented and sweetest people I've ever worked with. Throughout the duration of our working relationship, I learned of the many highs and lows of her life and career, many of those highs and lows being tied up in Deacon Claybourne. The early years of their relationship were tumultuous to say the least, but through something really terrible I saw them come back together. I saw a love grow that was patient, kind, and enduring. It makes me sad to think now of the day that was all taken away from her; a wife losing her husband, a daughter losing her father, and the world losing a friend and an icon. The only thing that makes me feel any better even all these years later, is taking comfort in the fact that he's in our hearts rather than our lives. Mushy stuff aside, the thing that connected these two the most profoundly was the music. That being said, please put your hands together for Miss Rayna Jaymes!"

As she watched her mother emerge from hiding in Bucky's shadow while he gave his speech and situate herself beside Gunnar in the middle of the group of people who loved her and Deacon, she saw tears falling down her face. Hearing the familiar chords of an old favorite, _A Life That's Good_ coming to life beneath Gunnar's expert fingers, her mind went back to the time that would now forever be the most prominent one of her life.

 _"_ _You know, I think he's been waitin' on you," the evening nurse, whose name she couldn't recall told her with a small smile. Returning it best she could, she held tighter to the neck of her guitar and made her way into the room._

 _Situating herself in the armchair across from his bed, she couldn't help but notice just how much her father was fading away. Pale, gaunt, eyes closed and breathing labored, this was not Deacon Claybourne. The beloved Daddy who'd come into her life what seemed like such a short time ago, had been replaced by someone she didn't know at all, yet she still found herself loving with all her heart. Pulling the guitar close to her, she began softly strumming random bits of nothing. These were the times she'd hated that he'd made it clear he wanted to die at home, rather than in a hospital. Rayna had done everything she could to honor his wishes, and now that things had been declining more rapidly than any of them could handle themselves, she'd hired nurses round the clock to aid in his care during the final days. As much as she wanted to be close to her father, these images, ones of him lying practically lifeless, breathing so loud as if only to prove that he still had it in him, were the things she wanted so desperately not to see._

 _"_ _This might be the last one you ever sing to him. Make it a good one." Nameless nurse gave her shoulder a sympathetic squeeze before retreating, leaving the two of them alone together in empty, heavy silence._

 _"_ _We know just the one, don't we Dad?" she said with a watery smile before effortlessly beginning to pluck chords on the instrument that had so long ago become an extension of herself._

 _"_ _At the end of the day...Lord, I pray, I have a life that's good."_

 _She'd played it over and over until she couldn't stand it anymore and her fingers hurt. Tears streaming down her face, she made her way over to the side of his bed, grasping a hand that felt much different in her own than she remembered._

 _"_ _You can let go now, Daddy."_

"Maddie!"

The brunette blinked, being pulled out of her memory by the sound of Scarlett's three-year-old daughter, Addison, yelling her name.

"What sweetie? I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

"I wanna go on the swing set with Daddy! Come?"

Maddie laughed, mesmerized by the cuteness that had no doubt been Scarlett in three-year-old form. Addison had her same blonde hair and blue eyes, and was a good mix of both her Mom and Dad's personalities. "Sure, let's go."

She scooped her up in a swift motion, eliciting a round of giggles, and met Gunnar across the yard by the swing set. He placed her in the seat, and began pushing, going slightly higher each time without it being dangerous.

Watching her go higher and higher into the air, happy and content without a worry in the world, she wondered for a moment if that's what heaven was like and if her Dad was a part of it. She thought of how she and her mother had been by his side the actual moment he had let go and how all she could think to do was hold on while Rayna fell apart. How she'd sat sobbing, holding his hand as long as she possibly could, no one being able to coax her out of the room.

"The truth is, we all miss ya," she heard Scarlett saying, so caught up in her own nostalgia that she only made out part of her speech. "You're missin' a lot of things we all know you'd be overjoyed to see. The world, at least ours, won't ever be quite the same. Wherever you are, rest easy up there."

Addison swung a while longer; people laughed, cried, sang, talked, and she caught snippets of the memories they exchanged of her father. One interaction, that between a little girl and her father as she finally got off the swings, stood out to her the most.

"Come on Addy, I think that's enough. It's almost your bed time. Come help Daddy say night night to our friends." Gunnar lifted the young child up, placing her back down on the ground, holding tightly to one hand as she toddled along beside him.

"You can let go now, Daddy," she said, looking up at him with a pure, innocent smile.

A smile involuntarily played itself upon Maddie's own lips, and she couldn't help but think that when a daughter gave her father permission to let go, all she really wanted, was for him to hang on a little tighter.

 **AN3:** I know so many of us love Deacon and none of us want to see him die. Even though that's the direction I took this story, I really don't believe that's the direction the writer's will take it on the show, but I guess we'll have to wait for September to find out! I did change the dialogue of the flashback where Deacon asked Rayna to marry him while intoxicated because this is an AU-ish fic and my own work so didn't want to copy verbatim what was in the flashback in the actual episode. I really hope those of you who read this enjoyed it, and depending on the feedback the intention for this to be a one shot could very well change. Thank you again for your love and support! xx


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